Save a horse

 Find yourself a Walter boy.

(And keep living and learning! Let's see, I should probably list this:

1. Clearly I still need to learn to be less judgmental. Can't wait to keep growing, keep trying.

2. I am learning to separate parts of my feelings, separate experiences. A different me, one that is always authentic though. What a trip!

3. Being asked if I was a player, plus the other stuff, that was a new high. Time to go back to the bucket list and check some stuff off...

4. I hope I am being careful enough, but I think so. Something I know about me now is that I never want to hurt anyone, if I can avoid it. And there is such a thing as my heart not being mine to give...)

So I'm gonna love you

 

Like I'm gonna lose you.

"L'amour c'est l'infini mis à la portée des caniches et j'ai ma dignité moi!"

Louis-Ferdinand Céline, Voyage au bout de la nuit

Waste my time

 

"Hold on to me

Like we're the only ones that see

The sky above us falling down (...)

I have wasted most of my life

Playing games that I knew I'd lose

Let me sing to you

Just sit here, don’t move

I just want to waste some time with you

So take my hand

I don't understand (...)

Forcing back the tears

Over all the years

Boarding up the door (...)

And I still don't believe

That you want to waste your time with me"

Laying in bed at night when S. sent me this song, which just happened to be the perfect description of the bench afternoon I just had with M. The feeling I must be doing something right in this life, for once, spreading some good to the people around me, like I always wanted to do. Living and loving, smiling and crying, understanding me and the world. What a journey.

This yearning.

"And then to want and not to have - to want and want - how that wrung the heart, and wrung it again and again!"

Virginia Woolf, To the Lighthouse

I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you

What do you do when the Disney prince is just too charming too resist?

Alone

Each lover has a theory of his own
About the difference between the ache
Of being with his love, and being alone:

Why what, when dreaming, is dear flesh and bone
That really stirs the senses, when awake,
Appears a simulacrum of his own.

Narcissus disbelieves in the unknown;
He cannot join his image in the lake
So long as he assumes he is alone.

The child, the waterfall, the fire, the stone,
Are always up to miscief, though, and take
The universe for granted as their own.

The elderly, like Proust, are always prone
To think of love as a subjective fake;
The more they love, the more they feel alone.

Whatever view we hold, it must be shown
Why every lover has a wish to make
Some other kind of otherness his own:
Perhaps, in fact, we never are alone.

W. H. Auden

Would you make it all right?

"If you wanted, you could make it all worth it, worth it, worth it"

ADHD lessons, 2026 edition

- Some songs hit it just right, for an amount of time, and they must be repeated ad nauseam. Funny that.

- Unconventional tools actually work? So why not use them.
- We are everywhere, like a hidden community inside another, and we are more similar than I ever thought. Belonging like this feels good.
- I need something to fidget with...